Pausing for Six Months

Caution, Boys: This One's a Girlie Post

I'd always assumed that in exchange for hot flashes, irritability and mood swings, I would enjoy the real benefits of being a woman in menopause. You know, like an AARP discount, preferential seating on the train, cheap coffee at McDonald's, and NO PERIODS. Has my menopause come with any of this? NO, it has not.

If you aren't on Lupron and haven't had a hysterectomy, then the medical community defines menopause as 12 consecutive months without a period. But if you are on Lupron, you are apparently grandfathered into the club: no 12 month waiting period, no entry fee. No need for birth control, no menses, no mess. But not so much for me.

Today I was at work (thank you very much! I have a new job!) and noticed cramping. Menstrual cramping. I dismissed it because maybe that happens occasionally on Lupron. (To hear some women on the interweb tell it, I'm lucky I still have my memory and haven't grown a tail since my first shot.) But then during a restroom break, who did I find visiting? My Aunt Flo! What the hell was she doing there? She's supposed to be on a six month vacation.

That bitch is so mean and so unpredictable. She just showed up without warning, without a phone call, without a knock on the door. And who knows how long she'll stay? I don't think guests (especially uninvited ones) should show up without letting you know how long they'll stay. She used to be pretty considerate. Before my surgery, I had a little spotting between periods, and that was useful because it helped diagnosis the endometriosis. But other than that, I had nice, short, light periods of about 2 and 1/2 days.

I suspect she knows that Dr. N and I were kicking her out for a while, and she got pissed. So she's back, and with a vengeance. Bitch.

Labels: Aunt Flo, getting robbed by menopause, Lupron, period

posted by Vander @ 8:42 PM